Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
