Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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