Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
