Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
