I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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