don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
