So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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