It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
