Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
