If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
