Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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