well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
