I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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