i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
