She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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