I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
