he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
