He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The best revenge is premature balding
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
