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I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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