What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
