Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
