Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
