There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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