he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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