You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
