Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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