You really coming over, don't trick.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
