What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
