I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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