This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
