I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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