This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
