remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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