I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
