VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
