We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Someone signed my nipple.
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