Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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