So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize