Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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