just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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