You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
