I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
