i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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