i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
