If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
