Can Purell be used as lube?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
