Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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