i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
