I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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