I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
