3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Randomize
