erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The beer is more important than you right now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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