I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Couch. On fire.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
