i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
