I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
