just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
