I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
