I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
