new low.... made out with someone while peeing
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
