There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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