I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
