You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
