Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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