i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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