Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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